whY DO WE GET defensive?UNDERSTANDING OUR EMOTIONAL ARMOR.

At our core, every human being longs to feel safe. This desire isn't limited to physical safety—it extends deeply into our emotional lives. We want to feel secure, accepted, understood. So when something threatens that sense of emotional security—whether it’s pain, conflict, ambiguity, loneliness, or even boredom—we instinctively reach for psychological defenses.

At some point in life, everyone uses defenses. They serve as coping mechanisms—often unconscious strategies—that help us navigate emotionally challenging situations. But while they may protect us in the short term, they can also have unintended consequences.

The Double-Edged Sword of Defenses

Some defenses are straightforward, like withdrawing during an argument. Others are more subtle and complex. Take, for instance, the common defense of people-pleasing: saying “yes” when we want to say “no,” being agreeable even when it contradicts how we truly feel, or going along with something to avoid disapproval.

This kind of defense can offer short-term benefits. A person who always accommodates others might be well-liked, successful at work, or seen as easy to get along with. But beneath that external harmony, there may be an internal cost: a growing sense of conflict, emotional exhaustion, or a vague but persistent dread.

Over time, if our defenses become too rigid or automatic, we may lose touch with ourselves. We might begin to feel unheard, confused about our own needs, or even question who we really are. That’s the paradox of defenses—they can both protect and imprison.

Making the Unconscious Conscious

This is where psychodynamic therapy comes in. In therapy, we explore the unconscious motivations behind certain behaviors. Why do you react the way you do in certain situations? What are you trying to protect yourself from? What have you learnt in the past that might no longer serving you?

Together, we work toward bringing these patterns into conscious awareness. When you begin to understand your defenses, you gain more choice and flexibility in how you respond to life. Instead of living on autopilot, you can begin to respond from a place of authenticity and emotional clarity.

The Path Toward Wholeness

Defenses are part of being human. They deserve compassion, deep understanding, and curiosity. By exploring your emotional patterns in a safe therapeutic space, you can begin to reclaim the parts of yourself that have been hidden or silenced.